3 Ways to Stop Playing the Blame Game
Blaming circumstances and people for anything wrong in your life is easy, isn't it? You're late for college? The alarm clock didn't go off! Your marriage isn't working? It's your spouse's fault! Getting fired? Your boss is terrible! However, believing that everything and everyone around you needs to change won’t get you far if you’re looking to improve your situation. Perhaps it's not them who needs to change, it's you!
Accountability and blame are inversely proportional. Unfortunately, the blame game lets us get off the hook. It makes us feel better and more in control. Nevertheless, it has destructive consequences. Continue reading to learn how to stop playing the blame game.
Learning Accountability
Playing the victim keeps you from being accountable for your problems. It is a form of self-protection that ultimately makes us less empathetic toward others. Therefore, one must learn to stay accountable to live a successful life.
You must remember that you have a starring role in your life. Thus, it is up to you to learn from your mistakes, practice self-awareness, make wise choices, and hold yourself accountable.
Renowned author Maria Lizza Bowen discusses accountability in her book, Reflect: A perspective on understanding your reality and becoming unstuck, and says,
“You are not a victim. You have the power to influence the quality and direction of your life, the quality of your day, and the quality of this very moment. A big part of changing is understanding your role in your problems. The illusions we adhere to in a conscious or unconscious attempt to avoid pain keep us in a holding pattern. We are so busy defending ourselves, our beliefs, our territories, our ‘truths’ – that we dodge the present moment and fail to access the magic of mindful responsiveness. When you’re willing to see and accept things for what they are, you become liberated – unstuck! – Free to move past your very own self-imposed barriers. It takes a little digging to see what’s truly going on, but it can be done.”
How to Stop Blaming Others
1. Recognize Your Patterns
The first step to changing yourself is noticing your patterns. Notice every time you hold someone else accountable for your hardships and try to take a different approach for a change. If you ask yourself, “Why is this happening? What do I need to learn from this?” without blaming or judging yourself and/or others, the answer will come. A little re-do will take you a long way.
2. There is No Right and There is No Wrong; There are Only Differences
When we blame others, we tend to believe we are never wrong. Blaming others is like saying that you're all perfect while the other person is wrong, flawed, or imperfect. Blaming others also indicates that you believe you're a victim and have no control over your own life.
You just need to change your focus to stop blaming others. Your perspective is different from another person’s perspective. Perspective shapes how you view the world around you.
According to Maria,
“You are the only one who experiences your reality. What about your husband's or brother-in-law's or twin sister's reality? Do you experience reality for them? No. There's no way you can know exactly how another person interprets their experiences because they have different views, beliefs, upbringing, understandings, fears, etc. Even if you're in the same situation, you will be the only one who will have your perception in that event.”
The author states that every individual must be willing to acknowledge the other person's perception of a situation. Only then, one would understand that there is no right or wrong, only a different perspective.
3. Own Your Reality
Only you are responsible for your reactions, actions, feelings, and thoughts. Whether you’re in a fight, financial crisis, or any other conflict, understand that you have the power to make changes. By owning your story, you will realize that you do have control and you can cope with your reality. The truth is that reality is shaped by our perception. What we believe is what we see! Maria Lizza Bowen further explains this notion by saying that whatever happens in our life, it’s because we fail to see clearly when making a certain decision.
Conclusion
“Being a victim of an unfortunate event should not be confused with playing the victim. The former is NOT a choice, but the latter – if you let it – can be a way of life” —Dodinsky.
If you find yourself stuck in a similar loop of blame and playing victim, perhaps you should read Reflect by Maria Lizza Bowen. The author has explicitly explained how one can get past these obstacles and stop blaming others in life. Grab your copy from Amazon today!
Thank you for reading this blog post! If you enjoyed the content and want to learn more about the topics discussed, I highly recommend checking out my book, REFLECT: A Perspective on Understanding Your Reality and Becoming Unstuck. In it, I dive deeper into the strategies and insights shared in this post, offering even more valuable information and practical advice. Click here to order your copy of REFLECT today! You can also visit my website for more information.