The Little Bitch Pendulum

Have you ever found yourself blaming others for your problems, circumstances, or actions? Do you find it easier to point fingers than to take responsibility for your own life? If so, you may have a tendency towards narcissism - and the truth is, we all do. Narcissism is often associated with a grandiose sense of self-importance and a lack of empathy for others. It's the tendency to blame others for our own problems and shortcomings and to believe that we are always right. It's a pattern of behavior that we all fall into from time to time, and it can be difficult to break free from.

But what many people don't realize is that martyrdom is just as much a manifestation of our need for control as narcissism is. Martyrdom is the tendency to sacrifice ourselves for others, to take on more than we can handle, and to complain about how much we do for others. It's the belief that the world would fall apart without us and that we are the only ones who can keep things together.

It’s worth thinking a little bit more about why blame manifests.

We all have a need for control. It's what drives us to succeed, to push ourselves to be better, and to create the life that we want. But when that need for control becomes too strong, it can lead to these two distinct patterns of behavior. We all want to feel like we have power over our own lives, and when that power is threatened, we can fall into these patterns of behavior. Do you identify with one or the other? Or both?

No matter which way you sway, the narcissist and the martyr share a common diagnosis – there is a level of denial in the responsibility department. Both patterns are rooted in the same underlying need for control. Whatever the case may be, they both share a common effect - it's that all-too-common phenomenon known as "being a little bitch" (BLB)!

Consequences of BLB

The problem with both narcissism and martyrdom is that they ultimately hold us back. When we refuse to take responsibility for our own lives and our own actions, we become stuck. We become victims of circumstance, blaming others or sacrificing ourselves for others instead of taking control and creating the life that we want.

So, if you find yourself falling into either of these patterns of behavior, take a step back and ask yourself: am I taking responsibility for my own life? Am I blaming others or sacrificing myself for others instead of taking control and creating the life that I want? And most importantly, what can I do to take control and create the life that I want?

How to Take Control Without BLB

So, you've decided to stop being a little bitch. That's great! But now what? How do you go about changing your behavior and mindset so that you are no longer defined by these negative traits?

The first step is identifying your own negative thoughts and behaviors. If there's something that makes you feel like a little bitch, it's important to acknowledge when it happens so that you can challenge those feelings head-on. When we're having anger or feeling upset about something, our brains will often try to rationalize why we should be upset - this is called cognitive distortion (i.e., thinking in ways that aren't necessarily true). For example: "I had my heart broken last week because my boyfriend cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend." Instead of just accepting this probable false rationalization, ask yourself if there were other reasons why this might have happened (i.e., maybe he wasn't ready for commitment yet). Or even better yet--try asking him directly! You may find out some interesting information about yourself...

Why you Don’t Want To BLB

The benefits of stopping BLB are numerous. Here are just a few:

• Building healthier relationships. When you stop being so negative and pessimistic, you will be able to develop stronger connections with other people. This is because you will be able to see the good in them instead of focusing on their flaws or shortcomings.

• Developing self-confidence. When you stop putting yourself down all the time, it makes it easier for you to gain more confidence - and others will have more confidence in you too! No one wants to deal with a little bitch.

• Embracing personal growth and development. By embracing change instead of resisting it at every turn (like most people do), we can grow into better versions of ourselves over time...and who doesn't want that?!

There is a Chinese proverb that goes like this: “He who blames others has a long way to go on his journey. He who blames himself is halfway there. He who blames no one has arrived.” I would like to re-phrase the last sentence to “He who blames no one is aware” because it rhymes. And it makes sense.

Thank you for reading this blog post! If you enjoyed the content and want to learn more about the topics discussed, I highly recommend checking out my book, REFLECT: A Perspective on Understanding Your Reality and Becoming Unstuck. In it, I dive deeper into the strategies and insights shared in this post, offering even more valuable information and practical advice. Click here to order your copy of REFLECT today! You can also visit my website for more information.