Introduction

The human mind is a complex and fascinating entity capable of perceiving the world around us in unique ways. However, our senses and mental capacity can only process so much information at once, leading us to filter and select the information we deem most important or relevant – deliberately or inadvertently.

In other words, in a world where information overload and biases are rampant, our perception plays a significant role in how we interpret and make sense of our surroundings. What we end up seeing is just a fraction of what really is. We call it reality.

In this blog post, we will explore the concept of reality: how we define it, how we distort it, and how our understanding of it can help us create a more fulfilling existence.

‘What Is’ vs. ‘What We Think Is’

Do we possess true knowledge of what reality truly is? Can we establish a precise definition of reality? When I first started researching the definition of reality, I found descriptions of more than twenty types in less than ten minutes, including: internal, relative, intersubjective, mixed, skepticism, Aristotelian, realism, consensus, virtual, personal, scientific, phenomenological, absolute, universalism, idealism, materialism, external, pragmatism, objective, subjective, Platonic, social, physical, shared objective... If I looked a little longer, I may have been able to fill this page.

Despite their diverse origins in philosophy, physics, sociology, and psychology, these definitions often overlap and some essentially mean the same thing. For the sake of simplicity, I’ve summarized four categories of reality, each emphasizing different aspects of our understanding:

• Personal Reality – Also referred to as relative reality or maybe even subjective reality, your personal reality encompasses how you experience yourself and the world around you. Within this definition, something must be experienced by you for it to be real to you.

• Consensus Reality – Consensus or collective reality is defined as a shared consensus of perceptions among a group or society.  Some examples of consensus reality are the existence of physical objects, the concept of time, and the presence of gravity.

• Ontological Reality – Also referred to as absolute or objective reality, ontological reality is everything that is – as it is. Ontological or absolute reality refers to the belief that there are fundamental truths that apply universally. However, modern science, particularly quantum mechanics, poses a challenge to this idea by suggesting that absolute reality cannot be completely understood and is thus considered invalid. This is due to the probabilistic, chaotic, and random nature of the universe at its smallest scale, where observations themselves can influence the outcome.

• Phenomenological Reality – This perspective of reality is focused on how we individually make sense of the world around us based on our own unique perspectives. Our perception of reality is often influenced by our past experiences, cultural upbringing, personal beliefs, our fears, our desires, and even information that we refuse to acknowledge.

Distorted Perception

When considering the concept of phenomenological reality as defined above, we all possess a unique perspective about what’s going on around us. But do we truly ever see the world around us clearly? The truth is, our moments of clarity are probably less frequent than we would like to admit. Our ability to interpret what’s going on around us can get complicated, especially when we’re unaware, unwilling, or unable to see clearly. Throw in a little emotion and things really start to get interesting. More often than not, we see what we want to see or what we are focused on, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

One powerful defense mechanism we often employ is distorting our perception of a situation to make it more manageable. Distortion occurs when we consciously or unconsciously don’t deal with what’s actually happening. We might experience distorted perception in a toxic relationship by rationalizing or justifying a partner’s actions or behaviors. For example, you might convince yourself that your partner's controlling behavior is a sign of love and concern rather than acknowledging the negative impact it has on your well-being. By distorting your perception, you avoid the pain of recognizing the unhealthy dynamics in your relationship and may continue to endure the pain and sustain the relationship – essentially not acknowledging the reality of your situation.

Another way that we may experience distorted perception is by “fill in the blanks” with assumptions, judgement, and blame – once again based on our beliefs and biases. How many times have you been in a situation where you were triggered by another person’s driving ability? Have you ever gotten angry because someone was driving too slow in front of you? The anger may be amplified due to a distorted belief that the slow driver is intentionally trying to inconvenience or annoy you, even if that may not be the case. This distorted perception can lead to a disproportionate emotional reaction, causing you frustration or anger in a situation that may not warrant such a strong response.

One of the most significant influences on our perception is our past experiences. Our brains use past experiences as a reference point to make sense of current situations. While this may seem advantageous, it can also limit us from seeing things for what they are. For example, someone who was bitten by a dog may feel fear and anxiety around all dogs, regardless of their temperament, due to past trauma. This limitation may prevent them from enjoying positive interactions with well-behaved dogs.

The Role of Self-Reflection

But how do you know when you are not seeing clearly? Once again, our perception plays a significant role in how we interpret and make sense of our surroundings. What we end up seeing is just a fraction of what really is, so why not experience more of what you intend instead of feeling as if life is just happening to you? There are ways of creating more intentional experiences in your life and it starts with self-reflection. To overcome our tendency to see only what we want to see or to project onto others what we are not willing to see about ourselves, self-reflection becomes indispensable. Cultivating a habit of self-reflection allows us to challenge our assumptions and see situations more objectively.

Emotions and Objectivity

Oddly, I found that tuning into your emotions will help you to become more objective. That may sound a bit strange, but when you think about what happens when you don’t process your emotions in a healthy way, objectivity is often the first casualty. When we suppress or ignore our emotions, they can cloud our judgment and influence our perception of reality.

Tuning into your emotions as they occur takes some practice, because we are taught to repress our needs and may resort to negative self-talk as a means of justifying our acceptance of those not-so-nice feelings. However, by acknowledging and processing our emotions in a healthy manner, we gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and the situations we encounter. This self-awareness allows us to separate our emotions from the facts, enabling a clearer and more objective perspective. Accepting our emotions, rather than stifling them paradoxically leads to greater objectivity and a more balanced approach to decision-making. So remember, your emotions have a purpose – the same way that physical pain has a purpose. Both are just trying to get your attention to acknowledge that something is not settling right with you.

Welcoming Diverse Perspectives

Efforts to widen our perspectives and actively seek out diverse viewpoints can help combat our inclination to see what we want to see. Our initial reaction in any given situation is to see things from our point of view – one perspective of many. Engaging in open-minded conversations, reading diverse literature, and immersing ourselves in different cultures can broaden our understanding of the world and challenge our preconceived ideas.

A great example of broadening your perspective is by learning a different language. Our language – something that we probably don’t consider when we go about our day – has a huge influence on how we think and perceive. “The best way of changing ways of thinking is to change ways of thought.”, says Dr. Leroy Little Bear, a Blackfoot researcher, founding member of the Native American Studies Department at the University of Lethbridge. Learning anything new, especially another culture’s ways and language, teaches us to become more understanding. When you learn another language, you learn a different expression about something you already know. Does learning new languages weaken your command of your native language? No, quite the contrary. It actually enriches and enhances your understanding of your native language. In fact, the more languages you learn, the more profound your insights and comprehension of your own existence become. And an added bonus – learning multiple languages facilitates faster acquisition of new languages.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the perception we have of the world is not always an accurate reflection of reality. Our desires, biases, and preconceived notions heavily influence what we see and how we interpret situations. However, by engaging in introspection, questioning our assumptions, and actively seeking diverse perspectives, we can overcome the limitations of our perception. Maria Lizza Bowen's book, "Reflect" serves as a reminder to approach our perception with curiosity and open-mindedness, leading us towards a more genuine and accurate understanding of the world.

Thank you for reading this blog post! If you enjoyed the content and want to learn more about the topics discussed, I highly recommend checking out my book, REFLECT: A Perspective on Understanding Your Reality and Becoming Unstuck. In it, I dive deeper into the strategies and insights shared in this post, offering even more valuable information and practical advice. Click here to order your copy of REFLECT today! You can also visit my website for more information.