What Appeared as Me Giving Away My Power Was Actually Me Finding It
There will come a day (okay, maybe a few days) when you realize what you’re made of – but it’s a choice. You will have plenty of opportunities in your life to face yourself. You will be challenged over and over again in a particular area of your life until you no longer need to learn that lesson. You may think someone in your life right now is the root of your problem. If only this person would stop making my life miserable. If only this person would see me for who I truly am. If only this person would disappear from my life. This person is only a tool to get to know yourself better. This person is here to help you face yourself.
About a decade ago, I was going through several significant life challenges – with my relationship, my family and my work – and I felt myself descending into a negative and discouraging cycle. During that period, I was under the supervision of an MD who exuded great confidence and self-assurance. This individual had a tendency to readily highlight any weaknesses, regardless of whether others were within earshot. My self-esteem was at an all-time low and paranoia was at an all-time high. My gut would sink every time I stepped foot into my work building each morning. I was paralyzed. I couldn’t speak up in meetings; I was fearful of sharing my ideas. Hell, I was lucky if I could even muster up anything intelligent to say. But I had pride; I lied to myself that everything was okay as I went through my day and tried to stay focused. While I did achieve some milestones, I was not myself. I lost touch with that spark inside of me that I had a few years back. I mustered through.
As the time for annual performance reviews approached, I received an invitation from my manager to discuss my progress and receive feedback in his office. I was petrified but somehow kept my composure without crying. Do you know what happened? You got it! He tore my performance apart! As I sat there and re-lived every mistake that he recounted, the only thing I could do was listen. I couldn’t deny that I wasn’t giving my all. Do you know what I did? After he finished running me into the ground, I said with complete surrender and confidence, “You’re right. Can you help me?” Despite his reputation for being tough, in that moment I saw the look on his face transform; He went from complete rigidity to total compassion. He told me that my reaction to his feedback was unlike anything he had ever encountered in his past reviews (it was a first for me too). He softened into a ball of putty and said, “I will be delighted to help you.” Everything changed from that day on, and for the better.
Here’s what happened. I hit rock bottom; I had nowhere else to go. I could have cried; I could have made excuses for myself; I could have blamed people or situations that were going on in my life; I could have gotten angry and denied everything. I could have quit. But that’s not what I did. I took a breath and dug deep. I chose to drop my defenses. I was shocked by my response as it came from my mouth, but it felt right because there was no more hiding. I had come to terms with my current situation, and I was honest with myself. I reached a part of me that had no judgment, no self-bashing. What first appeared as me giving my power away was actually me finding my power. I admitted that I was not perfect, and it was okay. It was better than okay. It was elegant. I made peace with myself that day, and it was the best day that I’ve had at that company.
After the air was cleared, I’d learned a ton from this MD. Was he tough? For sure, but there were no barriers between us after that, nothing in the way but good intention. I was comfortable. If I messed up somehow, it was okay – I just admitted it and moved past it! I recently saw this doctor at one of the largest cancer research conferences, the American Society of Clinical Oncology (ASCO). When I ran into him, he greeted me with a huge smile and warm welcome, as he boasted about my accomplishments to everyone standing there! Had I not chosen to let my defenses down that day, this would have been a very different experience.
Thank you for reading this blog post! If you enjoyed the content and want to learn more about the topics discussed, I highly recommend checking out my book, REFLECT: A Perspective on Understanding Your Reality and Becoming Unstuck. In it, I dive deeper into the strategies and insights shared in this post, offering even more valuable information and practical advice. Click here to order your copy of REFLECT today! You can also visit my website for more information.